A Model’s Guide To Fasting

To start off the health section, I’ve decided to break the ice and jump straight into the cold, hard truth.
Disclaimer: None of the diets posted here are aimed towards achieving the peak of health, reducing risk of disease nor do they promote any sort of emotional stability. These diets are simply real life methods used by real life models.

Fasting is the act of abstaining from all or some kinds of food or drink.

Yep. Obviously this means that most diets fall into the “fasting” category. Just to list a few variations, we have juice fasting, water fasting, fruit fasting, tea fasting, intermittent fasting, carb fasting…. the list is long so I’m just gonna stop here.

But to kick this section off, we’ll be talking about full on, not a single fucking calorie-fasting.

Benefits Of Fasting

This is, and always will be, the fastest way to lose those extra lbs, sharpen up your cheek bones and clear up your skin. Generally it’s something we use before important shows, events or leading up to your first agency meeting of the season.

I have yet to meet a model who has done full on water fasting, as we all tend to fill up on either green tea, coffee (black, obvi) and other ehm… smokable/snortable/non-caloric substances.

The way I see it, pure water fasting is for health freaks and vegans. Coffee never killed anyone, but lack of coffee however…

Umm so like, how do I do this?

Good news: it’s really not that complicated.

You just do it.

Right before my first fashion week in London, I spent four days drinking black coffee and wandering the city, and legit lost like 7lbs. I was young, dedicated as fuck, and ended up with a standing ovation from the booking table after they took my measurements. My cheek bones never looked better.

Pros?

Results.

Cons?

Irritability.

Bonus tips:

1. I recommend cutting down on social encounters during this time, or you’ll likely end up with a few enemies by the time you start eating again.

2. Stay busy, get out in the city, read books, watch Netflix. Constantly stimulate your mind and you’ll forget the point of food altogether.

3. Keep in mind the health benefits of fasting. You can even go as far as to act like a vegan hippie for a few days just to feel less crazy. My friend Ashley will literally stop wearing makeup, combine it with a “social media detox” as she calls it, and you’ll usually find her sitting in the woods smoking a joint and exploring the power of mantras.

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5 Cups That Will Make You Happy

This is actually the first time I’ve blogged stoned, but I feel like this is very important and it can’t wait.

So long story, but this week I’ve made it my personal goal to find the perfect cups for the people I care about, and well, I decided to share them here too because there’s nothing better than spreading the joy you get from the small stuff.

You need a cup that makes you feel something, that triggers an emotion, that will be there for you every single God damn day and ensure that you start the day right.

I spent six years of my life traveling the world with a coffee cup, simply because it made me smile. It was bright orange and had sheep on it, and I even ran a website at one point called “whatsinmysheepmug” and it got like 20K daily views.
Yes, you read that right.

So I’m sharing some of my top picks here, and I hope you all slow the fuck down in your busy lives and take a moment to enjoy the small stuff.
Funny cups will never let you down.

Whether it be a cup that makes you nostalgic as fuck like this one, literally reminding you of all the times you’ve binge watched Friends, laughed your ass off and forgotten all about how much life sucks. Just kidding. Not really.

I got this for my friend Greg for Christmas and he cried because it reminded him that the show is officially over, but he got over it when he sobered up and loves it now.
You’re welcome, Greg.

They also have tumbler versions for those of you who just can’t fucking wake up on time and make a normal cup of coffee.
Not judging though, because me too.

But sometimes happiness comes from just being really fucking honest with yourself, and if you have no shame, this is also perfect. I usually fill mine with wine, but that’s because deceiving people makes me smile. Totally joking.
Not about the wine though, that’s actually my life.

And here’s another fave cup that I’m getting for my friend Liza, because she’s perpetually detoxing and would love the irony. See, that makes her smile because she wouldn’t even know what a donut tastes like.

And before I finish off, here’s the best cup you will ever see, one that I’m legit considering getting for my desk at work just to make people feel uncomfortable when watching me fill that shit up and down three in a row.
See, you gotta enjoy the small stuff, you know?

So uhm.. bye?

Give Me Cum, Please

So this week has been pretty uneventful, but I can still feel my mental capacity decreasing by the day. For the first time I’m actually living with 11 girls where not a single one of them speaks english, which is actually insane to me. Like what the actual fuck makes you travel across the world to a country where you cannot communicate with a single person, not even your employer?!
God, they’re so lost in life.

As an example, today I was in line for a hair commercial with some of the girls, and we had to give our “introduction” on camera, which means name, age, height, agency, etc. This time we legit had to say our WEIGHT on camera, which is ridiculous, because of course we’re all going to bullshit the client, so there really isn’t any point.
(If you ever meet a model who gives you her honest weight, I will personally hand you $1000 cash, just saying)

But anyway, two of the girls are having a hard time because they’re from Brazil, so they’re pronunciation is beyond fucked, but like, I’m trying to be a nice person these days so I spent 30 minutes teaching one of them how to say “fifty-three”.

I still don’t understand why, but she kept saying “fipksty-tree”, which just sounds like “sixty-three”, which means NO JOB.
After half an hour of repeating me she finally nailed it, went in front of the camera, fucked up and said fipskty, and was told to leave without finishing the casting.
Honestly don’t even know why I bother, but at least I tried?

Not only that, but I’ve been trying to help them with their english, be a nice person, all that shit, and now it’s literally fucking up my job opportunities in the most bizarre way.
So the other day this girl asked me how to say “gum”, and I, clearly being an idiot, taught her how to say it.

NOTE: I DID NOT KNOW THEY CANNOT PRONOUNCE “G”.

So now, whenever we go to castings, this girl will literally scream across the room to me “CUM, give me please, please, give me CUM”

IN. FRONT. OF. CLIENTS.
Literally the clients will look at us as if we’re whores who snuck into the casting just to get some warmth and a break from the streets.

I just can’t.
I honestly can’t.
I’m so done with these girls.
Ugh.

I Blame Kaia

Sorry for my absence, but not really, because the Brazilians exploded the wifi. Long story, but it was with a knife and one of them had a panic attack. Ugh.

Anyway, this week has been a bit shit and I’ve for some reason, God knows why, said yes to a two month contract in a country that really isn’t my thing. The culture is confusing, the people stress me out, I don’t speak this language what so ever, and it’s even making me miss Milan of all places.

But anyway, I’m here, stuck in a model apartment with like seven other girls, and every single time I say something they just answer “My english no so good” which is just annoying as fuck, because why the hell would you travel to a foreign country if you cannot communicate in anything but Russian or Portuguese??

Ugh.

I mean they’re sweet and all, but that just stresses me out even more.

Just to explain what I mean, here’s a summary of my first night.

So I walk into the apartment, slightly drunk due to my pre-work wine diet (don’t worry, I’ll totally make a post on that later), and obviously the first thing I do is say hi to the girls and ask where the nearest store is. For some bizarre reason, this one girl insisted on physically showing me the store and like, walking with me there, which honestly stresses me out even more, but then again it was kind of cute in a really naive way so I said yes since I don’t wanna A) show my true personality (yet) and B) get lost and/or attacked in a foreign city at night.

Let’s just say the whole night ended in me just needing a towel, and us walking to six different stores where she proceeded to show me random fucking shelves saying “you need?” and me being like “um no, legit just need a towel”, she’d answer “ah ok” and repeat the process. She picks up shampoo bottles and says “towel??” and I keep trying to explain what the fuck I mean. Suddenly she points excitedly at a fleece blanket saying “Aaaah, towel! Here!”

So close, but like, no.

Since then I’ve been communicating purely through google translate and miming in a bid for survival. And yes, I got my towel in the end, but not thanks to the Ukrainian.

Oh, and if you’re wondering why I came to this market, then I blame Kaia Gerber. I mean, everything in my life was honestly great until she came along. So like, I was booking great shows, editorials, everything, then suddenly Kaia comes into the picture and now everyone just wants fucking pale ass brunettes and the need for blondes has just decreased drastically. I never thought I’d actually miss the time Gigi was the big, new thing. But at the end of the day, I’m not dying my hair dark.

Like, it’s gotten to the point where girls are literally sabotaging each other in hopes of eliminating the competition at castings. I’m talking stealing each others heels, spreading gossip to the bookers so they terminate contracts, and I swear to God this one girl even roofied a roomie so that she wouldn’t make it to an “all blonde” hair casting.

Like, I’m not saying I’m a saint or anything, but that shit is just so not my thing.

So now I’m legit borrowing wifi at a random Starbucks, feeling slightly more at home, and enjoying my green tea after twelve castings where the directors literally talk about you loudly while you just awkwardly stand there, because they know you don’t fucking understand them anyway.

Ugh.

So uhm.. bye.

Eat That Frog (Gross, I know…)

You know that feeling when you got more than 6 hours of sleep and you’re up at 8am and you feel like you’re just so fucking ready to take on the day? Because me too.

So basicallly, I’ve been stressing out these past months because I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, and instead of actually going to the gym and going vegan and all that, I’ve been partying pretty much non stop. So uhm… I feel like death.

But now that I’m back to work, back to castings and shoots, I kind of have to like, start adulting again, which was about time.

Today I actually have my first casting at noon, and it’s pretty close, which is why I’m so fucking proud that I’m up at 8am because that was so not necessary, but like #adulting?

So I woke up, made myself a big ass Venti coffee with almond milk and sweetener AKA life-in-a-mug, and now I’m legit on my way to the gym. Like, typing as I fucking walk. IDK, multitasking just makes me feel so accomplished.

I was actually reading this book the other day, which basically why I’m getting up so fucking early and working out. So like, I know the name is really gross, but I swear there is no eating and definitely no frogs involved!

Basically it’s called Eat That Frog, and it’s based on this expression from the old days, but it’s all about finding what you hate the most that you have to do, and making it the first thing you do every day. Apparently it’s gonna make you feel all accomplished and confident, which I am totally feeling right now, and you become so much more productive, which means so much more successful.

So today’s “frog” (Read: disgusting thing you want nothing to do with) is sweating it out in a gym where everyone judges you for smoking, then going to castings after even though working out makes you puffy. But like, I’m def not gonna do it later, so yay me?

I might write more details about this book later, if it turns out to be like, life changing or anything, but right now I can’t feel my thumbs and the subway is stressing me out and I really just gotta go.

But like, if you can deal with owning a book with “Eat” and “Frog” in the title, then here’s where you can check it out:

Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time

PS: I recommend getting it on your Kindle/iPad or whatever, because the cover legit has a frog on it. Not cute.

So uhm… bye?

Last Tinder Date Ever

Went on a Tinder date last night. Woke up at his place this morning. His name is the same as my ex, which pisses me off because they also have the same hair.

Ugh.

But yeah, at 8am this morning I walked out on the balcony with a coffee and my morning cigarette, and no joke, as I look into one of the apartments across from me, I see my BROTHER. My fucking brother lives across from this guy.

And there I am, old makeup, looking like shit, wearing a black fur coat and unbuttoned silk blouse, messy hair and.. well. Basically looking like a whore who just got off work.

Basically spit out my coffee, stumped the cigarette half way through (which I NEVER do), and threw myself back inside where I slammed the door shut and hopped back into bed.

Fast forward five hours, I woke up again, chattet with the guy and I got ready to face society looking like shit, and walked out of the building.

As I walked out that God damn fucking door, who do I meet? Take a wild fucking guess, WHO DID I FUCKING SEE WALKING DOWN THAT FUCKING STREET.

Yep.

So there I am, small talking with my brother, red wine stained lips and gross hair, at fucking NOON on a Sunday. Apparently we were going the same way too, yay.

So now that I’ve brought shame onto our family, destroyed my brothers view of his “innocent little sister” and maxed out my credit card on alcohol despite having zero income because it’s the beginning of the season, I can finally just go to bed and pretend this day never existed.

So uhm.. bye?

SO SO SO SOOOO DONE

As the title may suggest, I’m done.

Done with work? Done with friends, family? Done with life?! *gasp*

Um, no.

More like done with being average. Done with fucking up and giving 100% and never getting anywhere. Yep, you guessed it, this is going to be one of those “ohmigod I’m gonna get my shit together this year and become like, really successful, I sweaaaar” – kind of blogs.

Not only that, but I will be documenting the shit out of this year, sharing experiences (Yay, you get to learn from my mistakes in life) and ranting like FUCK because I have a natural tendency to take on way too much, hit the breaking point, keep going, realize that was a huge mistake, etc.

Hopefully I’m not alone in this #Sorrynotsorry

So at the moment I’m in my early 20’s, in deep shit financially, mentally, physically and emotionally. But like, it can only go up from here?

So if you are one of those people that either:

  1. Want to become successful in life, a high-income, happy, in-control-of-their-shit-individual, and want to gain advice, insight, experiences, in all aspects of life?
    Keep reading.
  2. Don’t really want this kind of life, but love to laugh at other people’s misery?
    Keep reading.
  3. Prefer to watch people fail only to learn from their mistakes and do the right thing the first time?
    Keep reading.

 

So uhm.. bye?